Blog Tease

So Sister had it right.  Blog Tease.  WELL...

I'm lazy.  There I said it.  Too lazy to properly keep up with this.  I have however found a different way to do this.

You can now find my shite at: http://littleabouteverything.tumblr.com/

Tumblr is blogging for the lazy person.  Go there.  Now.

The Good Ole Days...

I was talking to a friend the other day, about the current societal "hot topic".  The gay kids who have committed suicide due to being bullied.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's awful and spent a good deal of time watching the "It Get's Better" Project videos.  Bullying in any form is horrible.  Young kids and teens being bullied because of their classmates fears and ignorance is even worse.  I remember being bullied and also bullying people in junior high and some of high school. 

My mom said that she doesn't recall much bullying happening in school.  That yes there were cliques, but the nastiness and the viciousness just wasn't there.  All of this was explained when I was relating my own experiences.  But now?  It's out of control.

With everyone connected via text messages and social network like Facebook, bullying has taken on a whole new meaning.  It's not the same type I experienced and definitely not the same that our parents did.  Hiding behind the anonymity of a computer screen, grants these kids a sort of strength to say things they would never say in real life.  Horrible things.  That same anonymity also allows things like fake profiles to be made to amp up the attacks.  I have seen that personally after mindlessly clicking through Facebook and landing on a friend's, daughter's page(! shouldn't have been able too in the first place).  Apparently one of her classmates had made up a fake profile to attack the girl's posts.  There was also the case of the mother who made up a fake Myspace page and bullied her daughter's classmate.  Resulting in the girl's suicide.  That kinda fucked up goes beyond what this topic is about.

Bullying isn't so much of a trend now as it is simply getting worse.  Everyone has a cell phone, those cell phones have cameras.  Never mind the pictures that are taken knowingly, what about the kids who are passed out or drugged.  Naked pictures of some poor 13 year old who was slipped something.  Makes it's way around the school.  Sooner or later something snaps.  For everyone involved.  Be it the schools who deal with the students and their loss.  The true remorse of students involved.  Or the realization of a psychopath in those who enjoy it all.

This instant access, instant gratification and instantly erased, though never gone, society has spawned a breed of mega monsters who thrive on fear.  Fear that comes from insecurity as we all know.  I was happy to see that Perez Hilton has decided to stop ripping celebrities apart.  I never understood his appeal.  He was the ultimate online bully.  Not anonymous, but most of his backers were.  The people who were participating, the posse behind the bully.  Other sites like TheDirty.com (I will not link to it) that are born out of people like you (well not really like or...) and me, submitting photos of people we know and destroying their character.  Hell even all the stuff on Fox News and the like.  Nothing but fear.

Add another notch to my geek belt

If you were in any doubt over my nerdom or geekiness I've got a new one for you...  I am incredibly excited that the Vancouver Public Library is having a free double feature of:

Yeah I know, a little odd for a double feature.  But free, on a Friday, at one of the most beautiful buildings in Vancouver?  Fuck yeah!

Add another one to the pile...

As if I needed anymore TV fixations... Recently added to the mix is the "family friendly" drama - Sons of Anarchy.  A pleasant romp through the world of motorcycle gangs clubs in California and beyond.  Yep they even mention Vancouver!  Thanks Bacon Brothers, thanks.

Got all wrapped up in it, most likely once again in part to the "gonna clean my house and put it on in the background" concept.  I do enjoy it, it's a boy's soap opera and the lead character is some shexy stuff under that greasy hair.

I suck part deux...

So I guess when you start up a blog and then tell people about it, they actually read it.  Who knew?  I was busted on Saturday evening by someone, and I see that another person has commented... Sigh...  Yes I CAN do better.

A little ashamed to admit it, but I'm sure so many of us have gone through the same thing, so it should be ok to fess up.

Miserable... there said it.  Shortly after my last post the "dream job" turned out to be a dud.  Yes, I was surprised and somewhat shocked when it happened.  And I have my theories.  Some of their reasons are legit and the rest I don't quite buy.  Ah well, there were also certain practices that I really did not agree with.  Also my NYC travel mug "went missing" in the first two weeks.  Seemed to be the norm there, things going missing.  Yeah that sounds like a real winner...

So anyways, back to the miserable.  Job hunt is once again the name of the game, and while I'm not entirely miserable to not be working/at the "dream job", I am miserable that I lost out on some ideal hiring timing.  September is prime hiring time, or so I've been told, and I was out at the end.

Oh well back we go.  It's different wandering to get my paper in October.  I'm not used to it, and I tend to dress too light for the cold and rain we have now.  Still not much out there.  So we'll see.

PS: A dead friend has been "signing on" to MSN and the virus that's running it actually "spoke" to me.  Creeped me the hell out!

I suck...

At keeping up with this that is.  With work, joining The Node, Nerds In Babeland, and basically not as much free time, this blog has fallen way behind. 

I mentioned that I would attempt to post 4 a week and well as you can see that didn't happen so I once again need to rethink things.  I really like the idea of keeping up with this, but it looks like laziness and procrastination has foiled me once again.

All I can say I'll do my best

Hermiting Worthy

I know a girl who goes squeeee crazy when "Shark Week" arrives.  I have found my own version... "Space Week"!

Click on the pic for the "Known Universe" photo gallery

My TV has been tuned to National Geographic channel all weekend and will continue to stay there until said week is over.  So happy to have this channel!

Update

A hoy hoy... it's been a while... And in that time I realized that maintaining this blog while working is going to be a bit trickier.  Not only that but joining a couple new online communities and hearing Nerdist talk about shaking up his own blog, I have decided to change up the format a bit.  With working and the past two hectic weekends (Erin got married!  Woo!) AND getting sick, my brain has been on auto-pilot.  This long weekend is helping get my nerd recharge on.


So what are the changes you ask?  Well here's a few ideas I've been bantering around...

- Links, video, images etc.  Things I find that I think are interesting. 
 - Less frequency.  I'm going to aim for about 4 days a week.  If I can do more great!  If not, well I guess my brain isn't hurting too much that week.
 - Reviews, upcoming events/releases.

Yeah so same, same but different.  See you soon!

You're still here?

When is enough, enough? One week, one year, one lifetime? It's been over a year since my heart was broken and I thought I was ok with things by now. Well at least enough to not have such a gut wrenching reaction. Alas that is not the case. A few months ago I saw the heartbreaker across the street (living in my neighbourhood doesn't help) and my reaction was so strong and unexpected that it took a while to regain my composure. I was disappointed with myself for still allowing him to have such a strong effect on me and hoped that would be the last time.


Again... alas that is not the case. I knew that by staying in the industry I would run the risk of hearing/seeing him again on a professional level. I haven't yet encountered that, but today I came across a quote request from him and it floored me. Why? Why should an email from him cause such a reaction? It was incredibly unexpected so I'm sure that played a part but again I am disappointed that he still has such an effect on me.

I want to be done with him, over him completely. There's nothing about his actions that deserves space in my brain yet he's still in there! What can I do to rid myself of him? I thought that with enough time passed the effect he has on me would start to fade. It hasn't and I don't know why. Were my feelings for him that strong? Have I not addressed the major issues surrounding the whole thing?

With everything that has gone on in my life that last couple years I think I was avoiding dealing with my feelings towards him to ensure there was enough energy to get me through everything else. I haven't spoken to him since spring of 2009, though I did write a letter outlining what I thought of him and his behaviour to which he replied. Foolish me replied back thinking I could be an exception in his life. At least now I know I never was nor will I ever be.

I had an incredibly positive feeling yesterday, that it's my turn to be happy. After two years of crap with an amazing Olympic experience thrown in (amazing but exhausting) I really do feel it's my turn in life. I will be 30 this coming spring and I'm really getting a handle on who I am and what I want. Much more so than my teens and early twenties. A big part has been simply acceptance. Acceptance of myself, others and the world in general. Maybe that's what I need to do to move on from him. Accept what happened and that he no longer deserves space or energy in my brain. Maybe then my reactions will be more in line with what he deserves... nothing.

Rule Breakers

After reading NML's blog Baggage Reclaim for a couple years now there's one thing she says over and over again.  We are not the exception to the rule.  Exceptions happen in fairy tales and romantic comedies.  Human behaviour is incredibly predictable and routine and it will rarely be the case that the "it could happen" actually happens.  We expect to be the exception.

So many conversations about our partners - girls talking about boys in particular - revolve around the hopes and dreams we place on them.  The things we want them to be, rather than the people they are.  We dream up the rom-com scenarios and imagine our guys moving away from normal and into an exception. 

Apparently the rules don't apply to us.  Every single one of us.  So if the rules don't apply to us, who the hell are they applied to?  Rules don't exist unless there are people to follow them.  Yet you can put a group of girls into a conversation and there will be multiple exceptions.  It cannot possibly happen! 

The idea that we will be the expectation is there to prevent us from realizing what is actually happening.  A form of denial if you'd like.  "It's going to happen/change I just know it!" Sounds a lot like avoiding the inevitable to me.  We need to stop expecting to be the exception and start following the rules.

Two'fer info Saturday

A quick note that since I will be starting work this Monday the frequency of these posts will be going down.  Hopefully my experience at work and public transit will provide me with plenty of ammo.  However, I do know that I will be pretty beat when I get home so unless I can type it all out quickly I may be missing days during the week.  This last one has been uhhh - training for all of you... that's right, training.

Yay for working and a paycheque but boo for alarms and wasting days on the interwebs.

Ratings: Nerd Series

Since this summer has been one of immersion into nerd series it's time I share my feelings and rankings on said series.  I will also mention some that I have been watching for a while, some still going and others unfortunately done.  One thing I've noticed though is that the nerd series are quite violent.  A lot of death, pretty much every episode.  But then again so are the CSI, Law & Order, Bones...

1) Doctor Who
 - to anyone who knows me or reads this blog you will know by now that I have a slight obsession with this show.  Tom was so right, I do love this show and apparently anything that Russell T. Davies has a hand in.  I do love Matt Smith as the Eleventh Doctor and I've heard many fans of David Tennant agree that he's doing a bang up job.  That being said, I blubbered like a baby when it was time for the Tenth Doctor to regenerate.  And it's strange, it's not as if I have to watch every episode to understand since each episode can somewhat stand on its own.  I just couldn't stop watching and looking forward to the Christmas special and season six.

2) Fringe
 - I started watching this show from the start and loved it.  Once the filming moved to Vancouver I was completely hooked.  The female lead Olivia Dunham does bother me a bit with her voice but it's only because she's Australian trying to do an American accent.  I'm a bit concerned that the plot lines will get a bit convoluted.  I was happy to hear Joshua Jackson talk about how he prefers Sci-Fi shows rather than mindless teenage dramas (not the exact words but the meaning which was full of win with the whole "Dawson's Creek") and that he's local.  Plus it's all sciency and stuff.

3) Chuck
 - so so so happy that the "Save Chuck" campaign worked.  Such a great show and you can't help but fall in love with Chuck.  So bumbling and nerdy and sweet.  The underdog that you root for yet he's gots that intersect thingy which makes him 'special'.  Some of the fight scenes are super cheesy but when you factor in the girl's shower and Nicole Richie, well it just works on so many levels.  The latest season finale was pretty emotional and I'm wondering what will happen with the Buy-Low gone.

4) Torchwood
 - I may move this once I get through season two and three but for now it belongs in the #4 spot.  It's a Doctor Who spin-off starring the dashing Captain Jack Harkness.  It's been advertised as a dirtier, sxier Doctor Who and it definitely lives up to it.  Some F-bombs are dropped, homosexual make-out sessions/relationships and more gore.  While it doesn't have the fantasy of traveling with the Doctor, the characters are pretty awesome and the tie-ins to the Whoniverse make it worthwhile.  I had the biggest grin last night when I watched an episode where Cpt. Jack heard the TARDIS and then disappeared.

5) Eureka & Warehouse 13
 - The two of these are going together because I have some serious issues with minor issues... if that makes sense.  I don't like the fact that Warehouse 13 is centered around the US Secret Service.  Anything but that.. please?  Eureka 13 because I cannot stand one of the female leads, Dr. Alison Blake just bothers me.  The stories are pretty awesome and I love the crossover with Claudia & Fargo.  Again Eureka is filmed here so that's fun to look for.  I actually remember wanting to watch Eureka when it first aired but lost track of it somehow.  I'm looking forward to seeing where these two shows go.

6) Firefly & Serenity
 - oh Nathan Fillion how do I love thee.  I recall Chelsea being really into this show and have heard nothing but good things and again Nathan Fillion *sigh*.  Ok so a western in space is somewhat of a far out there idea but it didn't help that the network aired the episodes out of order.  I mean come on, the one hour pilot is the last episode you air?  How does that even make any sense.  It's great that they were able to put together a movie afterward but all the "Browncoats" are fighting a losing battle getting it on the air again.

7) Pushing Daisies
 - I really miss this show, it had so much potential.  Yes, sometimes the cheesiness was a bit much but it was a truly great show.  And just like Arrested Development, the masses didn't get it.  A shame that the general public doesn't understand what a great concept is and Pushing Daisies got axed.  The whimsy was so much fun and you can never go wrong with a musical number.

8) Lost
 - this show pissed me off for a long time.  I didn't watch the first or second season catching up on a two hour special instead.  I then followed religiously until the end.  After a while I started to despise the show, yet I kept watching.  I guess I was committed to seeing it through.  An accomplishment of sorts you could say.  The ending was so-so but I wasn't expecting much with all the plot lines they had to deal with.  I did cry at the ending, when people were being reunited... but I'll blame detoxing from the 24 hour relay and it being too early in the AM.

Honorable Mentions:
 - Defying Gravity
 - Seaquest DSV (I LOVED that show)
 - Star Trek TNG
 - and I'm sure many others, with short lives.

DISLIKE
 - Sanctuary: I heard so many good things about this show that I thought it would be worth it.  Suffered through two seasons and still couldn't stomach it.
 - Vampire Diaries: I just want to say that I have zero interest in angsty vampires... especially on the WB network.  Saw a bit of it only once and had no intention of trying again.  True Blood is all the vampire drama I can take. 
 - V: this started on the Honorable Mentions list and then I thought about it... I don't actually like the show that much.  I would follow it when nothing else was airing but yeah its kinda lame.

So there.  If anyone is interested in the shows listed above I may have some episodes available to share.

Congratulations & Tragedy

I've been working on a nerd series rating post the last couple of days but this is more important.

1) I got the job!  Wooohoo!  So incredibly happy.  Almost the exact same timing as last year which is weird.

2) A friend died in a car accident Friday.  We weren't friends for a long long time and I never expected to speak to me again until good old Facebook connected us.  We spoke and it was really easy, surprisingly so.  He owned up to being a dick and we moved on.  Spoke a bit online and I did get to hang out with him a few months ago.  He may have been trying to pick me up that night but I didn't bite. 

I'm really glad that I got over my anger towards him.  He was my "first" (shhh don't tell.  Whoops!) so it's not as if he was easy to forget.  I'm happy we could be friends.

Today has been bittersweet.

Who's to say?

With so many discussions about what we should or should not be doing I frequently wonder what people think I may be doing "wrong".  Not that I really care but admittedly I have found myself defending my choices in case the other person does have that opinion.  So today I'd like to share the things I do that may be perceived as "wrong" by some.
I am doing something wrong because:
 - movie & sushi at home is a great Friday night
 - I don't want to sit at the beach in the middle of the day for hours
 - I smoke
 - watching TV is something I truly enjoy
 - hanging out is better than a Yaletown "club"
 - there's nothing wrong with a responsible hunter and I would go myself, and participate in the rest.
 - I read the Province instead of a "real" newspaper
 - "still" single
 - no interest in desperately searching for a husband
 - I still don't know if I want kids
 - I have no desire to join a gym, its not about exercise it's just the gym part
 - won't even step foot in a Starbucks unless I have to
 - don't drink red wine and no real interest in wines.

 Now the question is... am I ashamed of these things therefore I believe others will judge me?  OR Have my experiences shown me that other people "look down" on those things?  Might as well throw a third question in there.  Do some people "look down" because they secretly feel the same way and are ashamed themselves?

The (not so good) $1 Menu

I recently purchased an item I normally wouldn't due to cash flow issues.  I have been using a more expensive version for awhile and noticed it really did work better.  So today's topic are things I believe truly are "You get what you pay for"  And to begin, the item I am referring to in the first sentence.

Kitty Litter
 - The $20 container vs $10 container is a huge difference.  In smell, ease of scooping and how long it lasts before you have to switch all of it out.

Draft Beer
 - Unless the place is crazy successful or it's a one off thing there's now way the cheapest draft beer will be the best.  And I'd be willing to add beer in general.  It's not just about taste but the side-effects.  Cheap draft beer will always leave you feeling worse than not so ghetto beer.

Candles
 - I've tried to avoid buying $1 store tea-light candles for a while now.  Besides them burning for only half the amount of time as regular priced candles, I've had them "burn" through the little 'dishes' they are in.  The wax went everywhere, lovely.

Keyboards
 - I went for the cheapest keyboard I could find when mine suffered some liquid damage (yeah ok it was beer, but not mine!) and I hated it.  I didn't even want to go on the computer which was shocking simply because of they keyboard.  Sucked it up and got one only $10 more than the first but the difference was astonishing.  Though the first one had a volume control on it which I miss.

Lint Sticky Roller Refills
 - While I do use the cheaper ones I can find at the $1 store I have had very bad experiences with some of them.  Given the choice I would definitely pick the name brand.

Freezer Bags/Saran Wrap
 - Try as I might to save money on these things it really is the brand name versions that do the trick.

Burnable Media (DVDs & CDs)
 - You can usually find really good deals on burnable discs but they should be a brand name of sorts.  At least one you recognize.  I once purchased 100 CD's for the price of 30 in Futureshop and they were garbage.  By the time I had gone through them I realized it would have been more effective if I had purchased the brand name ones in the first place.  Seeing as I bought them one off when I had something really important to burn and didn't want to take the risk.

Jewellery
 - Yeah it would be nice to have real silver, gemstones, gold... take your pic.  But you can't always get what you want, you can try however,  to have a temporary fix with the cheapo stuff but don't expect it to last for too long.

As you can see I have purposefully left food items on here as I think it deserves a mention of it's own.  At the same time there are food items I prefer the store brand of, but again for a different time.  I'm sure there are things that I will think of later so there's a chance another list will come along.

Whose reality is it anyways?

Perception truly is everything, so is it fair for me to presume that what someone else perceives cannot be reality?  Is my viewpoint so informed and clear to state that I am right and they are wrong?  I certainly hope so at least some of the time.  I'd like to think that I possess a level of awareness and understanding to know when reality is really reality.

Countless times I have been listening to someone's perception of a scenario or person and thought, "you just don't get it" or "this makes no sense" or "how could you possibly think that way?"  Then again I'm sure people have thought the same thing with something I've said.  So who is right?  Does it matter?

In many cases I think it does matter if you believe the other person needs a reality check.  If someone's perception is obviously skewed by their emotional state, looking at it from an objective standpoint you should be able to see what they can't.  Yet how do you explain to someone else that what they are seeing isn't reality?  But again how do we know that it is reality.

I recall once listening to someone describe paint colours in a home.  I saw the colours for myself and what we saw was the complete opposite.  The complaint about one colour being too brown I saw as more of a green and vice versa.  But who was right?  I used previous experiences with the same person to figure out who was seeing things correctly.  One particular example is seeing a shirt on them and remarking how well the colour suited them.  Yet the disagreed completely and suggested a completely different colour that supposedly looked good.  I have to trust that my perception would be more accurate than their perception.  It is usually the case that others see us for us while our brains will skew things in our own head.

The best solution I have found so far is to pick my battles.  Take a stand when I truly believe someones perception is flawed and allow them to believe a false reality when it isn't hurting anyone.  It's just hard to figure out whose reality is flawed and when it is time to let them know.

Shoulda woulda coulda

I really enjoy discussing the idea of "ignorance is bliss" as lively conversations will generally ensue.  I for one agree with the statement.  Living a life of ignorance could really result in bliss.  If you are completely unaware then nothing can really affect you right?

Now while I agree I don't subscribe to it myself.  I like knowing, learning, asking - sounds like my profile, check - and generally being aware. According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs self-actualization can only happen once all the other needs are met.  Those who live in that blissful place never really get to the top.  Yeah they may excel at things but is there a passion or a need driving it or just the ignorance of going along for the ride/doing what one "should" do.

I truly do believe that you will never fully experience the good without the bad.  Which would in turn imply that those who never experience the bad will have a hard time appreciating the good.  This isn't to say that these people won't be happy, I'm sure they will be, but they will be existing on a surface level.  A level of no awareness, no introspection, no desire for understanding.  Like functioning on auto-pilot.  Sure the plane can fly but what happens when it comes time to land or an evasive maneuver is required?  In a sense you would be "flying in the dark".

All of this brings me to the point of what we "should" be doing or the feelings of failure that can occur when we are living up to expectations other than our own.  I myself realize that I am not where I thought I would be at my age, but then again how could I have really known?  So many things will take place in our lives that will forever change our paths.  Do we struggle to fight against them and realign ourselves with the "should"?  Or do we embrace them and use them as a tool to move forward?  To become better than our previous "should".  Besides where does this "should" come from?

The "shoulds come from society, our friends, our parents and our environments.  The fact that I am 29 will generally elicit a "should be in a relationship".  But I'm not.  And of course there are times where I feel sad and alone but at the same time I am actually quite content with it all.  I should be in my career right now.  I'm trying I really am and I may just get there (with my upcoming interview) but it took me a while to find my path.  And during that time I got to have a "once in a lifetime" opportunity working for the Olympic Games.  I would not trade that for anything in the world.  Yet I know that in the minds of some I'm not doing what I "should" be doing.

We shouldn't allow ourselves to become slaves to the expectations that other have of themselves.  We should be striving towards achieving happiness in our own lives.  Not necessarily forcing yourself to be happy with just the things you have.  But finding the things that make US happy.  Happiness is different things to different people so why do we try to achieve the things that make others happy?

Vow #2

The summer of 2010 will forever go down as the summer I reawakened my nerdness.  The summer of Dr Who and Twitter.  The summer of looking for sites, blogs and podcasts that have a nerd/geek spin to it.  It will also be the summer that I vow to go to Comic Con.  At least once before it's too late.

I've known about and been interested in Comic Con for awhile now.  A place where many of the things that I enjoy come together.  Now I know it started as a Comic Convention, and even though I didn't really read them outside of Archie I do remember watching X-Men when I was really young.  I watched Get Smart & Bewitched when I was 8 or 9 and I'm guessing they would have had an attendance there nowadays.  So it isn't that big of a stretch to think I would want to go.

Best idea would be to try and hit up the San Diego one.  I could incorporate the West Coast road trip into it and end up in San Diego as I'm pretty sure that I would want to save the convention for the end of the trip.  I would seriously consider going down in cosplay but I would most likely stick to some sort of "wenchish" idea.  Unless of course I discover some sort of character that I absolutely fall in love with... hmm I could probably do River Song.  If she's still applicable by the time I make it there.

Alright!  So plan is; save money and plan to hit up Comic Con.  I'm crossing my fingers that it will be for 2011!

Just Do It

I have a problem with procrastinating.  A big problem.  To explain this succinctly, I recently checked two books out, one about the internet (never finished it and I had it for about a month, not a good/easy read) and the other was about procrastination.  I posted on FB "Checked out a book about procrastination, think I'll finish it tomorrow".  Ha ha it was pretty funny, even though it was the honest truth.  I was heading to Princeton the next day and thought I might read it on the way or while we were there.  Anyways - I never did crack it open and returned it.

Looking on the library's catalogue list I see that Phil Plait's (@BadAstronomer) book "Death from the skies! : these are the ways the world will end" has 6 copies available and one at the branch just down the road.  I've been meaning to pick it up and it is only 5 minutes away, and I was reading a John Grisham novel so I wasn't in that big of a hurry.  Well that novel is almost done and it's fireworks night tomorrow so I figured I could pick up the book tomorrow.  Seeing as I have procrastinated this entire week...

Pretty sure you can tell where this is going.  The book is checked out.  I procrastinated and now its gone until August 27th according to the website.  I tweeted "Dammit!Procrastinated getting a book from the library & it's checked out. Maybe I should check out the "Stop Procrastinating" book instead."  And I mean it.  This is most likely going to get worse before it gets better.

Alas said procrastination book is also checked out.  FML.

Found it!

A little while back I wrote about what my next tattoo would be and I believe I have now come to a decision.  I want a galaxy and whirlpool combined.  Most of my tattoo ideas have been of combining two things that are important to me or that really interest me.  And well I was on the track of science a few weeks ago and this fits the bill.  My fascination with the ocean and space.

As I was searching for some images to use as reference I knew I was looking for a spiral galaxy of some sort.  In order to incorporate the whirlpool it would only make sense.  So I'm looking through the Hubble site for inspiration and I stumble across a galaxy known as M51 or the "Whirpool" galaxy.  I just about stopped dead in my tracks.  Here I am looking for something to mix with a whirlpool and the galaxy that catches my eye goes by the same name!  It was definitely one of those "fate" moments.  Or whatever you want to call it.  These things came together in a way that just made sense.

So I guess I should share what I've found:

There are other images of the Whirlpool Galaxy but the colours in this particular one really appeal to me.  Once I decided on combining the two elements I knew I wanted to have reds and/or blues in the galaxy.  After all, it is a bit hard to represent star light in a tattoo so the surrounding colours need to be bright, yet galaxy like.  The whirlpool is the easy part and I'm sure if I put some effort into it I could draw one myself.  I do like the colours in the picture I found and I'm inclined to see what Japanese style with the water might look like.

Needless to say I'm incredibly excited that I figured this out as it puts to rest something that I have been thinking about... a lot.  Now I just have to sort out how big it needs to be so I know where it can go.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

There have been SO many studies done on narcissism and Facebook.  And they all say the same thing.  It's pretty easy to judge the level of narcissism in a person looking solely at their Facebook profile. (pictures, messages, activity) It goes far beyond the self promotion that you see in a person's profile picture when you start to dig deep.

I'll own up for my own page and what it really means.

I currently have 394 friends, about three times as many friends as the average Facebook user has.
 - Not sure why, I do look through a lot of people and I do plan on doing some culling when I'm working again.

I tend to post things that I find interesting and want to share with other others.
 - I want people to think I'm interesting, smart and in the know.

I have my tagged photos hidden and remove tags that others do when I don't like the photo.
 - I don't want people all over the internet seeing what I look like.  I am not comfortable with most of my photos and definitely have esteem issues with them being out for all to see. 

I've changed my user name away from my own name as a means to avoid potential employers.
 - Extremely nervous about what other people can see and I am aware of the problems that have occurred due to poor online behaviour/photos and I really want to avoid that.

I've blocked and/or limited people who I do not want seeing my online life.
 - So much stupid drama happens on this stupid site and I am just trying to protect myself from stupid cliquey bullshit.

I have a lot of photo albums but most of them are not photos of partying. 
 - I'm extremely proud of the photos I take and I know I'm good at it.  I guess in some way I look for reassurance that what I think is true.

So given the above do I have narcissistic traits?  Probably a little.  My point here today though is the profiles you look at and you just shake your head.  Why are there so many duckfaces?  Why all the posing with drinks in your hands?  Why all the "loves yous xoxoxo"?  Why all the "oh you're sooooo pretty! Thnx u too muah! xoxo"?  Why all the changing of the profile picture... every day?  Why all the "deep introspective" quotes?  Why all the "woe is mes"? WHY?

LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME HOW AWESOME I AM!

Yep that's it.  But there IS a solution.  We don't have to fall victim to the trap of Face-issism!  Don't comment when someone is only looking for sympathy.  We're all smart enough to know when someone is truly reaching out and when someone just wants to be soothed.  We have the power to be in a conversation with our friends and point out how ridiculous they look with their duckfaces next to the straw in their highball.  We can take back a world where we are sharing things with others instead of trying to force how awesome we are on to other people.  I guess this means I shouldn't point out how smart I am with the things I find on the interweb.  Crap.

NIMBY

In recent conversations the concept of being a good person for the sake of being a good person has come up a few times.  In direct relation to the idea - if other people are assholes why do I have to be nice?  It's so easy to fall into that trap.  Especially if you're cranky, in a rush or late, in a crowd of people, and well I'm sure you can get the idea.  And take note that I am on of the first to say that I hate people, especially stupid people.  That doesn't mean that I should behave like those people though.

In some way I do believe in the idea of karma, but not "Secret" like stuff such as "imagine a Porsche and you will have one".  But that by doing good things for ourselves that energy will bring in more good things.  This is undoubtedly a hard to prove unless you look at it from the perspective of feeling good about yourself.  No matter how hard we try, what we "think" others feel about us is never as important as how we feel about ourselves.  And if we do good things in our life to feel good about our actions and behaviours, that positivity will no doubt have some impact.  I believe that if you are happy or at least accepting and working on your self, than what happens to you has less of a negative impact.

No one can make us feel anything.  We feel those things because of our perception of the situation.  Our perception is built on a number of things, past experiences, knowledge of the other person(s), and our emotional state at the time.  I get frustrated when I'm in the stores and dealing with the stupid people as I mentioned before.  But if I'm in a good place it's much much easier to deal with them.  You don't have to react or acknowledge the situation unless you are directly involved or it concerns some ones safety. 
**this does not imply that everyone around you should be ignored completely, a certain level of awareness is required at all times to function as a reasonable, respectful individual**

Which brings me back to being good.  So what if the person cut in front of you when you waiting in the rain for the bus.  Being a good person means being a good person no matter what.  I will admit that I have had my fair share of lashings out when I've been in a pissy mood or just plain aggravated.  But I do strive to be a "good person" most of the time.  I know how it feels to be treated poorly because someones an asshole and I also know what it sounds like to hear someone behave like that asshole.  There's no point.  The energy required to behave in such a way is wasted.  And as studies have proved a calmer state of being and not being stressed through anxiety will feel better over all.  Physically better.  Which will in turn keep you happy because you won't be feeling like shit.

The perfect recipe

A lot of people nowadays are being told "you're too picky, you're never going to meet someone if you don't lower your standards."  I do tend to agree.  A lot of us are extremely picky so it's no surprise when they idea pops up.  I know that I can be extremely picky and I can think of at least one case where things very well could have been different had I not turned away that fateful night.  I say that as he is now engaged and we still get along great whenever we see each other... sigh....

BUT instead of wallowing in that sad little story I have decided to make me perfect man.  My ideal, fantasy, dream in the sky and never going to happen man. 

Physical:
 - Not too tall, on the shorter side in fact.  I'd say 5'7" - 5'8"
 - Light coloured eyes.  Blue would work.  A super cool, almost see through lighter shade would be very nice.
 - On the stockier side.  Not heavy or 'fat' but thick.  No skinny chicken legs or arms please.
 - Stronger face.  Not baby faces.  Thinking back I think a lot of my faves had had larger noses.  Not that I'm looking for a large nose but it would probably work.
 - No "G" clothing.  Good chance I would be offering advice over what to wear so clothes aren't that big of a deal as long as it's not "G".  That's a hard habit for people to break.

The Rest - kinda a mish mash of likes/dislikes/must haves
 - Sweet but not sucky.
- Watch & play Jeopardy with me and sometimes let me win.
 - Watches bad horror movies that are trying to be good with me.
 - Eats sushi
 - Will go to the theatre (plays/performances)
 - Is a good camper
 - Eats meat
 - Is geekier than me and turns me on to new geek things
 - Has or is planning on tattoos
 - Humour sounds cliche but is an absolute must.  A dry sense of humour would be good
 - An accent.  British, Irish, Scottish, Aussie, South African, or Kiwi would do.
 -  Self aware.  To err is human.  And I find that a certain level of self awareness is required to really be able to laugh at your self.  Which is another cliche I know.
 - A foodie.  Doesn't have to be a good cook, I can take care of most of that.  But must be able to cook and definitely enjoy food.
 - Adventurous.  In many forms. Music, food, movies, books, concepts, ideas, people, places...
- Likes pets.  And definitely cats.
 - Not a full bar star.  Hanging out can be much more fun and there are better things to do and to spend your money on than going out and getting trashed.
 - Live music.  If he can play an instrument even better!
- The job doesn't matter but would be nice to be making more or at least on par with me.
 - Knows exactly what to do when my mood swings... and then immediately swings back. 
 - Doesn't care when I pass judgment on strangers I pass, and chimes in with an imitation.
 - Knows how to operate basic household tools.  Can drill a hole and hang his own shelf.
 - Morning nookie
 - Drinks beer.  At least most of the times.  I don't enjoy hard liquor and it just makes things easier.
 - Eats Asian food.  Especially dim sum.
 - Can do laundry.  And remembers which clothes can't go in the dryer or asks first.
 - If he won't clean the toilet at least do the bathtub/shower.
 - Watches bad TV with me and will yell at it with perfect timing.
 - Doesn't have a "crew" of guys where it's always "boys night out".  Go out with the boys for sure but do it because it's a good group of friends.  Not the "gotta get away from the ball and chain" idea.  I don't do girls nights.
 - Buys "just because" flowers.

So there's a sampling of the things I am looking for.  Shouldn't be too hard right?

Vow #1

Movies have always been one of my favourite things.  Somewhere along the way I really stopped going to the theatre.  I'd like to think that I didn't go because it was too expensive, but know that I think about it (and I mean literally right now) it was that partying was more important.  If you don't purchase anything from the snack beer, even at the highest price, was still under $20/person.  I can easily spend upwards of $80 on a full night out with cabs and food.  So why was $20 an evening too much?  It wasn't.  It was the party.

Wow... It frustrates me somewhat to realize this and from this point on (actually last night walking home from Inception) I vow to use my resources for things like movies over drinks.  If I can blow more than $20 drinking shitty draft beer then I can certainly spend less than that at a movie.  Being at the Rio Theatre last night, sitting in the balcony with no one around and for only $10 I realized how much better it was.  I don't enjoy hangovers and I'm starting to not enjoy the person I can be when I'm drunk.  But what to do for enjoyment?  Well movies definitely fit the bill. 

Another part of the movie decision is to stay away from the big multiscreen theatres.  The Rio was cheaper and I walked both ways.  There are other "neighbourhood" theatres that are the same thing.  Plus one of the reasons I've been staying away is because I have a hard time with the fast moving special effects on the really big screens.  Everything becomes a blur and I can't follow it well.  With the neighbourhood theatres the screens are generally a bit smaller.  Plus everyone says we should support the community right?

So I take this solemn vow that once I am working again I will choose to catch a movie over catching a hangover. 

Shhh it's a secret

I really don't want to jinx things but I am pretty excited that I'll be able to go on a second interview for a sorta "dream job" next week.  It's what I was doing before the morons booted me out in a similar industry, which is exactly where I want to be.

The interview itself was easy and went pretty well.  There are times when you are unsure when you leave or you think it went great and you actually bombed.  This wasn't either of those.  I know it went well.  It was after all a personality interview and well I rock!

I know I could do this job and I know I would do it well.  I don't care that it's an hour bus ride away I really want this job.

And that's all.  I don't want to write anymore because saying it out loud scares me a bit.

It's a Small World: Internet edition

I have to admit I had a total geek moment the other day.  I put something on twitter and had 3 people retweet me.  I know I know total dorkiness but I couldn't help it.  Still the result is pretty damn cool.

I was watching Jeopardy a few nights ago and thought one of the contestants was cute in a nerdy way.  And I still stand by it.  Well I took to twitter and said so.  A friend poked fun at me and then lo and behold other people retweeted me.  I guess I wasn't the only one.  So I missed him the second (which was in fact his 3rd time) time and pleaded to watch it last night.  I wanted to try again and see if people were listening.  I was right.  I actually know his name and am definitely going for #teamkrizel tonight.  Ha I feel like such a dork.

But if you think about it, it's actually kind of neat.  I'm sitting on the west coast tuned in to an obviously prerecorded game show.  I make a comment on the interweb about it and am instantly connected.  This carries over into so many aspects on "being online".  There has never been this level of connectivity before.  If you have a question for a "star" and they have a means in which you can reach them.  Facebook, twitter, forums, message boards, and youtube.  If someone you are trying to connect with uses those forums regularly there's a good chance you will achieve it.  Kelsey Grammer has a goal of following a million people.  And he does work towards that goal.  Answering questions constantly, same with Kevin Smith.  It's amazing when you think how different it was even 10 years ago.

I'm kicking myself for not jumping on the twitter train when I first signed up last year.  If not earlier.  It confused me at first but I was just being lazy.  It's been pretty easy to sort out.  Now if I can only come up with something so DRATW that @Nathan Fillion would respond....

Why do people suck?

GAH!  I seriously think I've lost my mind.  Some people really really suck.

Scenario A) Friend from when I was 12 hung out on and off over the years since he lived in Vegas for a good chunk of his life.  Comes up to work here after being laid off in Vegas.  Leaves the wife and kids behind.  Needs a place to crash and I say sure, it's a small place but the air mattress is comfy.  Turns out he's completely strapped and has to go to work without food.  Of course I'm going to try my best to help him and I did.  I made sure he had sandwich stuff and made dinner for him.  Pretty effin nice for someone with no income I'd have to say.  Now we don't talk about how much money but it is stated "get me back when you get paid".  So he finally gets a paycheque (due to payroll scheduling it was 3 weeks) and heads to the island for the weekend.  A little curious why he would pay out so much money to drive over when he obviously needs the most he can get.  Comes back Sunday night and then disappears. (should mention not the first disappearance, but the first was a surprise visit from the family) Nothing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday....  My simple question of "where you at?" quickly turned into "WTF is going on, you owe me $$ and you disappeared."  Lied to his mom that he owed me anything.  Has my keys and now claims he lost them.  Said I got aggressive and he's broke too.  No shit I got aggressive I was broke and depending on your sorry ass!  And not my problem that you can't handle your shit - driving over to the island was an amount that should have come to me.  FUCK YOU.

Scenario B) Someone I've known since I was 10.  Always been a bit up and down, she goes through cycles.  By that I mean I go in cycles of being able to tolerate her.  A couple years ago through a series of events I had to pull away from her.  Part of it was that I was starting to get frustrated with her behaviour.  I didn't approach her due to past experiences with her defensiveness.  That was a mistake as she took my silence as a betrayal?  WTF?  I didn't steal your boyfriend, I didn't steal anything, I didn't start rumours.  All I did was disappear a little bit.  We were working together for fuck's sake I saw you 5 days out of the week!  And then when I got canned due to the whiny bitch graphic artists AND dumped by the obsession of 2+ years (who you now received a ride home with everyday) is it any surprise I was hesitant to be reminded of what I had lost?  An accidental friendship with someone put you over the edge.  Demanding that I not be friends with people because they were your friends?  Again WTF?  What is wrong with you?  Who does that?  So fine fine I oblige and then literally run into someone from the group that I was "forbidden".  We are friends and nothing Ms. Jr. High is going to say will change that.  Stop throwing temper tantrums, learn how to be civil and grow the fuck up.  Oh and stop lying about me.  I did not get fired because I was trying to get you fired - give me a break.  You are not that important and you never will be.  Behaviour like yours will come back to bite you in the ass I guarantee it.

Yeah so people suck.  I keep trying to let Scenario B go but she keeps bringing me into her nasty little web of nastiness.  Scenario A just occurred and I will have no problem getting rid of him and I'm sure I will have completely let it go not long from now.

Sigh

What once was is no more

I remember it being only a few years ago that I considered the 'indie kids" as folks just following the herd.  Claiming to like music that no longer represented its moniker.  "Indie".  "Indie" is short for independent.  Independent means alone, without help.  Once upon a time "Indie" was very truly independent in the sense that it couldn't count on radio play except for maybe some obscure college stations.  It was also a lot tougher to record your own albums without the home computer software that's now available.  A solid fan base by touring was the best way to make yourself known.  Besides during those times how many of those bands wanted to be successful, get that recording contract.  That's the complete opposite of Independent Label.

Now "indie" is a style of music, a genre.  Just about anyone can release an album with the right equipment, though it will take a lot of hard work and money to get started.  Still it's possible.  You no longer have to get into a studio to record music.  And since it is so much easier independently recorded albums do receive radio play - considering the fact so many bands now have their own labels.

So these Douchebag Indie Kids (DIK) claim to be into a way that music is produced but in reality they are into a style of music.  A genre.  Like the goth folks who resist conformity by dressing in all black, all of them.  Different topic, different time.  I dunno I guess it just bugs me a bit.  And even more so lately as I have come to the realization that I too like "indie" music.

Sigh... I want to shake my head as I write that and in fact I did.  I also shake my head at the fact that I came across this realization when I started hearing the songs I've been listening to in commercials or on retarded shows like 90210.  (Don't ask)  I was happy to hear Tom's perspective on it. 

"Indie is now what Alternative was in the 90's."

So true - and since I classified my tastes as "Alternative" during that time it would only stand to reason that "Indie" is indeed my preferred genre.

I still don't like skinny jeans on guys I will never be a DIK

Food Geek #1

I'm listening to the Geek A Week podcast with Adam Savage of Mythbusters while trying to come up with something to write here.  (Mum was in town so missed a day or so)  He mentions that he's so happy to be able to show how enthusiastic he is about his various Mythbuster's projects.  Thinking about things that I am enthusiastic about I come up with food.  Ohhh yeah food.  I'm going to share some of my geeky food moments... *Woah he just mentioned making a killer omelet on the podcast... weird* 

Green Curry & Coconut Milk Mashed Potatoes
 - I decided to give these a shot since I've had buttermilk in potatoes before so coconut milk should work as well.  Previous forays into marinating with green curry and coconut milk were extremely successful so I knew it was possible to take that mix further.  I personally prefer chunkier potatoes so I knew I wanted to add green onions to them.  Then thought... cilantro works with the curry and milk so it should work here!  And again success.  My sister has since told me that it's probably her favourite thing I've ever made her.  And I've made her a lot of impressive food stuffs.

Sandwiches
 - I make kick-ass sandwiches.  I know I do.  I've been told many times.  Combine that with sandwich making duties in previous jobs I am awesome at the logistics of building them.  For example I just finished one with shrimp, avocado and tomato.  Nom Nom  Breakfast sandwiches are also on my list of accomplished creations.  Four or five years later an old roomie's booty call still comments that he wants one for the next days hangover.  And surprise surprise I am incredibly anal about the construction of these things.  There's a certain way they should be built and I employ strict rules for myself.

Short Ribs
 - Love love love ribs... of any sort.  I know I make some great slow cooked pork ribs in the oven but I'm definitely impressed with the success of my Asiany short ribs in a crock pot.  Essential "sauce" ingredients include: garlic, ponzu sauce, rice vinegar, Maui ribs sauce.  Leave them in there for as long as possible while attempting to take the fat (mmmm flavour but oh so.. fat) off the top and booyah!  Meaty, saucy goodness.

Salads
 - I think that good salad making goes hand in hand with sandwich making.  Both can contain a wide range of ingredients, a particular method of construction and the knack of knowing what tastes well together.  As with the sandwiches I love using avocado and shrimp.  Every salad of mine should have tomatoes as well.  I unfortunately tend to use store bought dressings since I don't use enough yogurt or sour cream to have it around for creamier dressings.  I should really start making my own as I know I can make great dressings/marinades/dips.

Ok well I've gone through three Geek A Week podcasts over the last couple hours and hearing just how awesome some of my favourite geeks are has made me giddy!  Time to get out and enjoy some sunshine.

God Bless America?

In my search for nerd series to watch I decided to check out Warehouse 13 and while I do like the idea and it has grown on me there's something that still bothers me.  I think the series could be much better if the agents weren't a part of the US Secret Service... Yes I know it's an American channel and actors and blah blah blah.  And I am an American citizen so it's not a hate thing.  So why does this bother me?

I don't have a problem with the agents coming from an American organization but the Secret Service?  The characters are supposed to be these amazing agents and I'm just not sure if the SS (gonna abbreviate now) is the place to find them.  The definition I found here doesn't mention that those agents protect the general public or the world at large.  The only reference to the show's premise is that they protect against forgeries and counterfeiters... of American securities...

If you haven't seen the show it revolves around the aforementioned agents finding these "artifacts" that have different properties, supernatural of course.  Some of the ideas are pretty damn cool and I have no doubt that a portion of it has some historical accuracy (obviously not much - it is TV after all).  And then they put said "artifact" into this giant top secret warehouse.  A rag tag team of characters and mysterious happenings internally.  I do enjoy it... except for that blasted US SS aspect.

Dunno - perhaps it's the over proliferation of the American government agencies.  We will always need to have some sort of a government agency to make these types of shows work.  But does it have to be the people who are protecting the president?  America - you are simply not that important.  I would really hope that if anything in that show every becomes reality that it's not the president's bodyguards protecting us. 

More can most definitely equal less

Considering that the focus of this blog is that I am constantly thinking about things, this post may seem a bit counter-productive as I've been thinking about the drawbacks of over analyzing.

I've read a couple books recently that talk about gut reactions and instinct and they mention that too much information can actually be a bad thing.  Our brains have been designed to absorb the stimuli around us and make a decision based on either instinct or experience (which includes knowledge, education etc).  However problems can and do arise when we have too much information.  Our brains become muddled with all the information swirling around and what should be a simple instinct based decision suddenly turns into an overwhelming myriad of options.  And what usually happens is that we stray so far from the initial thoughts that the information becomes virtually pointless.

Our gut instinct is there for a reason.  It's there for you to react in a way that is (mostly) productive, safe and reasonable. *note that this is not taking into account purely emotional reactions*  Quite often we'll dismiss that initial reaction looking for more information.  The whole concept of "girls over think things way too much".  Which is soooo true it's annoying.  Can we really benefit from analyzing something to the point where the initial concept is gone completely?  Too much information will more often than not end up hurting us.

The idea of having too much info to sort through can play into the idea of acceptance.  So many females (myself included) go over and over and over and over and over the same question, looking for different answers.  Different answers does not necessarily equal the right answer nor does it equal AN answer.... just more questions.  More questions to analyze, more answers to question.  And around we go!   We need to learn how to be content with things to avoid analyzing something to the point where it no longer has any relevance. 

#1

I've got a bunch of stuff on my mind today but not enough to put into a full discussion so I think I'll just leave you with the point form.

 - I don't like Rihanna... I don't think she's that talented as a singer.  Yeah she's hot but that hot?
- I get sucked into stupid reality shows that offer nothing to a person's "soul".  In fact they probably start to suck you dry after awhile.  Does anyone really care about the lives of a bunch of fucking twits?
 - It really really sucks when you take the risk to trust someone and they let you down... completely.  Especially when trust is already hard to achieve.
 - Why are people so freakin clueless about their own destructive/abusive behaviour?
- Hearing the Dr. Who theme or seeing clips of the show results in a physical reaction right now.
 - I really hope Nathan Fillion saw my clever remark on Twitter.
 - Will the drama with Ms. Jr. High ever be over?  Do I need to be the one who does something or should things just be left alone and hope it blows over.
 - Does the above statement mean that I have anything to do with the situation or have any influence on it?
 - I think I'm starting to get sensitive teeth.
 - I really want a bike.  A simple mountain bike not a full on beach cruiser.
 - I want to live in England... badly.  I've been thinking about it a lot.
 - Is it too late to relearn study habits and get an education in something sciency?  I'm guessing I'd have to retake some high school level courses... rats.
 - My annoyance level is directly related to my mental exhaustion of the day.
 - I am most definitely addicted to the internet.

Ok I think that's enough for today.  There will undoubtedly be another addition which may or may not contain the same thoughts.  Until next time...

Is this bad karma?

I would like to start this one off by stating: I do not take pleasure from someone else's pain.

That being said... I'm finding myself increasingly frustrated listening to the job offers, free tickets, and general fun/job things that are happening to some people in my life.  My current state is one where I'm not even sure how I'm going to afford food for the following week let alone rent.  Hearing how someone is being handed interviews or receiving free tickets to something I would love to go to is starting to really get to me.  I know that it shouldn't, that I should be happy for the things happening to my friends I'm just finding it more and more difficult as my situation drags on.

When I hear someone complain because they spent too much money on clothes the weekend before and now they are "broke" I cringe.  No you're not "broke" you just spent a bit too much.  I on the other hand am broke and hearing about your financial "crisis" just reinforces my sorry state of affairs.

I feel awful that these thoughts and feelings pop into my head.  I know I should be happy for people, that those bad feelings will ALWAYS do more harm than good.  I just can't shake the feeling that there are people I speak to who really have no concept of how bad it is. 

One of the hardest things is listening to someone tell you how someone else is making money doing A, B or C... do you think I haven't been trying?  Not too mention that it's VERY difficult to get the motivation to pound the pavement is search of a minimum wage, part-time and temporary job when there's so much energy spent scouring the web and applying for a career position.  Another hard thing to listen to is someone who is "understanding" of the situation when they really have no idea.  I know someone who constantly and I mean constantly complains about being broke.  This is a person who has an account with a good deal of money saved.  Yes the cash has been put aside for something more important than spending on every day things but there's is no way you can fully empathize with me, you just have no concept on what my situation is.  Same person also has parents that can afford to help, even though they haven't much - they can and will do it should you need it.

So please people - while I understand that you are trying to be supportive, empathetic, understanding and also have your own great things happening... I just can't listen to them right now.  I hope you "understand".

To tattoo or to tattoo

There were many warnings that as soon as I had my first tattoo I would always want more.  And hells yeah they were right.  It is a bit worrisome though as I really don't want to be covered in them, but I can't stop thinking about "the next one".

Recent ideas have gone from a fire(sun) and water to a Latin quote.  The quote is - meum cerebrum nocet - my brain hurts.  I really like it and when you look at in a script form there's a really nice flow to it.  I did have someone tell me that it was a bad idea as I would have to explain to people what it meant...

Well that's just what happens when you have tattoos, or at least it should in my opinion.  Tattoos should represent something and regardless of the meaning, it should mean something.  I don't care if it's a pretty flower as a tramp stamp or some misspelled Chinese characters it should hold some sort of importance to the person.  My tattoos are OK to look at on their own not much interpretation needed.  But I do have to explain the one on my wrist (Aries & Pisces signs combined, though I accidentally placed it upside down to show others) quite often which is fine I don't mind explaining, it means a lot to me.  (see where I went there).  If you choose to have a tattoo in a visible place you should be expect questions and inquiries about it.  If that concerns you, you shouldn't have it.  End of story.

So on to my third whoops fourth... uh oh... um ok.  So on to my fourth one.  I still really like the Latin quote but I was also on the Science Tattoo Emporium site and started thinking of doing something different.  Something that speaks about the nerd in me.  It really has been there for a long time.  You could technically say that my first and second tattoos had a science spin to them.  Crescent moon (with a daisy chain) and a star, respectively.  I need to do some more thinking and looking into what is possible with ink in skin.  I would hate to come up with a great idea that only looks good on paper.

Well I think it's back to the drawing board with the fourth one.  I really do like the science idea I just need to come up with one that works.

Worth a thousand words?

It's said that a picture is worth a thousand words... if that's the case then the value of a dollar has greatly decreased in picture land.  All over Facebook there are blurry, poorly composed (aligned in other words) and just lame photos subjects altogether.  I am not taking into account all the duckfaces here, just bad photos.  Are you proud of the photos that didn't turn out?  Do you need to post all 123 pics you took at last weekends ball tournament...

Now I admit to having an outrageous amount of photos on my own Facebook page but they are photos I'm proud of or ones that have been specifically requested.  I have seen so many albums full of blurry consecutive images of two people on the other side of the fire (for example of course).  Yeah sure I'm judgmental since I do consider myself to be somewhat talented as a photographer so I feel confident when I say they are crappy.

To make things a little clearer I'll post some photos I took camping.  Now I would never choose to share these with people, aside from maybe one of them, since they are.. .well crappy!

 

So how many of you have seen pics like this only repeated over and over in someone's album?  I'm sure a lot of you.  It's an epidemic I swear.  I long for the days when the albums had a 60 picture limit...

I know you are but who am I?

I once used a song lyric as a status update on Facebook, well not just once, a lot, but one in particular: "Is this who you are not who you want to be?" - Just Impolite, Plushgun (fun video btw)  A friend's 10 year old daughter commented that she didn't get it (why she's on there is a different topic altogether) and I can understand why.  It's a concept that can be difficult to understand if you've never posed the question to yourself.  Is this who I actually am?  Is there someone else I'm trying to be?

I know from my own experiences that just because I want to come across a certain way doesn't mean that's how it happens.  I recently had a realization that this "person" I thought I was, wasn't actually the case.  It was extremely unnerving but incredibly helpful.  I like knowing the truth instead of living in ignorance.

So what happens when we ask ourselves the question... Am I who I want to be?  I believe that there are cases where once that question is posed the person panics.  They are not who they want to be.  And instead of looking for ways to become that person they want to be, they instead try and make people around them believe what they want to believe.  I would be inclined to say with fairly disastrous results.  The old - They weren't who they said they were.  Well of course not cause when they said it they didn't actually know.

I find the above scenario happens so very often when you are meeting someone new.  Especially if you have a shaky sense of self to begin with.  So many people will say something about themselves in order to appear more "attractive" to the other person (friends, lovers, colleagues) not for once thinking... "hey maybe that's not who I am after all".  When they make a move to become who they really are the other person is left baffled... All of a sudden you've "changed".  But was there really something to change from or was it "missing" all along...

Too big to wrap my head around..

I often wonder what I would be doing had I truly applied myself in school...  Would I be in the sciences?  Most likely yes.  I have always had an interest in the many facets of science and I think if I had put more effort in I would have ended up there.  Most likely not a rocket scientist but something.  Space and the ocean have always had a pull on me.  I can't even begin to count how many various documentaries and shows I've seen from the unknown depths of the sea to the furthest known reaches of the galaxy.  My subscription to Discover gives me even further opportunities to feed this desire.  And that's where I run into a problem...

My brain hurts when I try and understand how big the known universe is.  Watching programs about space (and no not my geek/nerd series - documentaries) seems to provide me with a clearer understanding of the sheer size of the universe whereas the magazine articles send my brain spinning so quickly that I actually have to work at bringing myself back to the solid ground.  And when I start thinking about how big the universe is, the following is usually what happens...

Wow... so if we are *this* small and the universe has that many possibilities then logic says that there are other things out there, but we are really complicated (or so we think) so if we are here the way we are then how is whoever is out there, there for the way THEY are?  And just how did we get here anyways, changing from nothing to something over how many thousands of years, if it takes that many thousands of years then how old is the universe and if the universe is that old...

I think you may be able to see how easy it is for things to spiral out of control in my head.  Maybe my nerd series is a way for me to explore the reaches in a way that doesn't get out of hand.  Well except for my little obsessions...

How are you feeling?

It's interesting how many of us complain or talk about things that are "bothering" us without actually knowing what is really the "bother".  It can be so difficult to properly express what it is we're feeling as it can be difficult to even sort out what those feelings are.  My brain hurts even thinking about all the ways our feelings can be interpreted.

When someone says they are upset what does that really mean?  It could be a myriad of things... Sad, confused, frustrated, angry... the list goes on.  Should we know how to sort out what those emotions are aside from "upset"?  Or should upset be enough?  I don't think it is. 

Many of us find ourselves analyzing things that happen to try and understand the situation but how often do we turn that analysis to how we are feeling about the situation.  A lot of the time the initial description we use to describe how we feel isn't necessarily the case.  Take for example: You meet someone new after being single for awhile and things are going great.  Then one night something is said and it doesn't go over very well.  Many people will describe themselves as feeling "upset"... so as I asked before what does "upset" mean?  Are your sad because what they said hurt your feelings?  Are you angry because boundaries were crossed?  Are you frustrated because you're not feeling heard?  Are you confused because what you believed isn't the case?  All of those things could be happening to you at the same time and since they can all feel or become overwhelming we say we are "upset".  We are - but I think there is more to it.

If you find yourself upset because you are overwhelmed by a jumble of emotions it only stands to reason that if you can sort out WHAT you are feeling you can find a way to bring yourself back down.  If you can utilize the things that "fix" the individual feelings that make up "upset" it again stands to reason that you can tackle each one, one at a time.  Calming each overwhelming emotion will in turn make the next one easier to work with.  Also - forcing yourself to examine the details will put your brain into a more rational, logical state to function on the "high road" instead of the reactive emotional "low road".  A state where emotions aren't trying to describe how they are feeling... how can they... they're emotional?

Am I by default a couch potato?

Does the fact that I really enjoy TV and movies make me a boob tube couch potato?  I really really like getting wrapped up in a series in fact I stayed up until 3:30am last night watching Firefly.  The only reason I went to bed was because I knew I should in order to actually be awake during the day.  Did a similar thing when I first started watching Dexter, but I was working so it was 1am rather than nearly 4...

I may be getting off topic here... Ok back...  So yeah I'm a junkie when it comes to TV.  I do watch some incredibly bad shows but most of them are informational rather than trash - and then of course my nerd series... Maybe the problem is more that I have access to all the episodes instead of having to wait for each new episode.  Oh and the episodes have no commercials so it's easy to go from one to the other right away.  I've actually warned people when I've given them full seasons of Dexter and True Blood to be careful they don't stay up all night watching them and everyone has come back to me and said "Oh man I HAD to turn it off" :)

I'm currently burning Dr. Who season 2 (the episodes I have so far) and once I can properly transfer all of season 1, 2, 3, 4 and the specials I will be in a Dr. Who episode vortex for awhile...

My brain hurts cause I want to watch all these shows but I should really be applying for jobs...

I'm obsessed erm in love?

Oh god I think I may have gone a bit crazy...  Perhaps it's the too much time on my hands, or that I've been living in the land of the single for too long, or even the progression of my nerdness.  Hmmmm I'm guessing it's all three.  I've fallen in love become obsessed with Dr's.  Well one of them WAS a doctor in previous roles and the other is probably the most famous doctor at the moment (aside from perhaps MJ's).

So who am I talking about you ask?  Well the first one is a long time internet stalking focus crush and the second is a recent aquisition ladies and gentleman let me introduce you to Nathan Fillion and Matt Smith or Richard Castle and Dr. Who respectively. *side note that is Captain Hammer not Richard Castle*

Yeah I've been a little obsessed lately, watching interviews and old episodes of various series... I love the fact that I can follow Nathan Fillion on Twitter as well that is just damn cool when you are in love obsessed with a celebrity.

My brain hurts cause they ARE celebrities and not someone I could see on the street and it sucks... Think I'm going to watch some Dr. Who confidential to try and cheer myself up.  Maybe bring myself back to reality.

What is happiness to you?

My brain hurts today because I've been dealing with drama that should have been left behind in junior high... I'm nearly 30 and yet I have been dragged into nonsense created by someone else. Why? Well I only have speculations, speculations that I believe come from a place of awareness. Human behaviour intrigues me and well this behaviour is the most intriguing thus far. Well ok maybe not THE most but pretty close...

Why is it that people who are unhappy with themselves and their lives feel the need to bring down others. I just don't get it... Happiness is what we make out of any given situation... and if you aren't happy in your situation does taking down someone else all of a sudden change things? It doesn't, yet so many people in this world seem to think that it does.  In fact one of my favourite songs asks some questions about happiness I would like to ask a lot of people... for example; "If you're so goddamn perfect how come you're so far from a smile?"

If happiness is a state of mind does that mean those who have a hard time achieving happiness have a skewed state of mind? There are pills and psychiatrists for those states but what about those who cannot or refuse to acknowledge there may be problems? What happens then? Do the people in their lives just follow along and hope for the best? Do they try and help that person realize that there could be something wrong? Can someone look for help when they are blind to their problems?

I think that's the problem. If you are not aware of the things that you are bringing you down you cannot take the necessary steps to change it. And if you are so unaware of the things going on within yourself can anyone else help you? Doubtful...

In the beginning

So this is the beginning... welcome I hope you enjoy your visit and are interested enough to come back for me.  My brain hurts because I'm constantly seeking new forms of information; sometimes it's overload and sometimes it's because I can't figure out an answer.  The latter generally has to do with human behaviour.  The former could range from yummy food to a bad joke.  I think you can get the picture.

I subscribe to Discover Magazine, follow chefs and astronomers on Twitter and spend most TV watching on learning something about something.  I'm ok with a little bit about many things.  There will always be something that we are REALLY good at, and well I'm good at looking for the next new information hit.  I AM an information junkie...

As a result of all this I have found myself requiring more and more outlets and perhaps this will be something that works for me!  Just gotta stick to it hehe :)

So on with the show, enjoy the ride and please reserve comments for after the performance.